The Dysfunctional Uni Family.

It’s a peculiar oxymoron, uni. Everyone’s experience is different yet weirdly the same. We come home for summer, telling everyone about who we’ve met, and no matter how different these people may be, they seem to all fall into the same categories that occur at every uni. Funny, eh?

At university, I’ve found that you meet people you might avoid like the plague, and meet others you end up befriending for life. It has been a whirlwind 10 months, and upon reflecting and remaining in denial that first year is now over, I have pieced together the sorts of people we come across whilst we come to (what we often forget) study.

– The Familiar Face

There is always that unnerving feeling when someone from home comes to the same uni as you. You’ll either stay friends or drift apart, there’s not really an in-between. If you ask to meet for a coffee and they politely reject, take the hint that they have come to uni to make new friends, feel happy they have and move on with your day. On a night out, expect an awkward mutual double-take across the dance floor and not much more. However, you may find yourself lucky and become joined at the hip with someone you only briefly knew from school, what more could you want than staggering through uni life as a team rather than solo? 

The Gap-yah Student 

These students are easily spotted in their foreign attire. Your first encounter will consist of them ranting about their time in South-East Asia whilst you’re stood there with an awkward smile on your face feeling silly having nothing to input. Lets face it, they’re usually a bragger who believes that anyone who hasn’t taken a gap year doesn’t understand the world like they do.

– Mummy’s Boy 


He speaks to his parents everyday, keeping them updated with everything from daily meals to how many times they showered that week. Letters from mum often make an appearance in the postbox with to-do lists and help guides of how to survive living away just in case the phone calls aren’t reassuring enough. Aw bless, he can’t help it. 10 months later he can stand on his own two feet and even make that spag bol himself… HURRAH!

– The Library Dweller 


This student came to uni with one aim… to get a first. Often found in the library working ridiculous hours, worried that the exceeding amounts of work isn’t enough. Friends matter, but work matters more. They actually do the weekly readings, always know the answers and as a result prove very handy for working with on a group project. Keep them close.

The ‘Edgy’ One


This student often thinks they are a lot ‘cooler’ than you are. Comes across as arrogant with the ‘I don’t approach you, you approach me’ kind of attitude. They’re lovely people once you get to know them, however their image is more important than being seen with you. They are part of a clique that is ‘invite only’ – you’ve just got to face the fact that you didn’t quite make the cut. Come on now, we’re not in secondary school any more.

– The Lad


Uni is the way of life for this one. One would say they constantly have FOMO, so for this sake will never miss a night out. He will find any excuse to avoid doing an essay in favour of strawpedoing orange VKs, doing anything to impress the older years, mastering the art of a tactical chunder, and other things you don’t even want to know. In a few months this guy will be a bit of a BNOC – the term many are familiar with.

– The Rich One


The one that went to private school, knows Prince Harry – or at least they think they do. They’re the student who cruises home in their fancy new Bentley, whilst you take the Megabus with your bag full of washing as you can’t face spending £4 in the launderette. They have no concept of what a student budget may be, cock their nose up at your Tesco own brand shit and they certainly don’t understand why you have resulted to washing clothes in the sink to refrain from spending any more money.

– The Recluse


This student might actually be a myth. They hide away, adopt a strange sleeping pattern so they don’t encounter fellow students and eat in their room (as they wouldn’t be seen at the kitchen table). You see their stuff in the fridge and occasionally hear them in the flat, however sightings are rare.

– The Relation-Shippers


These lovebirds think that the first year of uni is the place to find ‘the one’. Their romantic story is one that involves freshers, a lot of alcohol and grotty nightclubs. They’ll be single one minute, and the next in the arms of their ‘true love’. This couple is in it for the long run: they met precisely 35 seconds after entering the SU, made awkward eye contact across the dance floor and spent the remains of the evening making out in the smoking area – the rest is history. Be careful with these, 90% of the time they end up being housemates… risky business but most people say f@*k it!

– The Waster 

Let’s face it, they are never in lectures or seminars. They have an exceptional talent wasting time and rarely do anything productive. It’s surprising they seem to do so little yet still can’t find the time to do their washing up. SIGH. They are normally very sociable and can be found at any kind of pres or event, because lets be honest, it’s not like they have any work to be doing.

– The Lover


What ever happened to the dating scene? Hate to break it to you, but a lot of people just want someone in their bed at the end of a night out… the bed is never usually empty, that’s pretty much it.

– The Party Animal


They are constantly in the know of what parties are going on and where to go to, are good fun but can be tiring when they’re already drunk and raring to hit the town for the fourth night in a row. They would rather have a good time and make blurred memories… pass the tequila please!

Mum and Dad

Your mother and/or father in student form. They are there to mop up the kitchen messes, tuck you into bed at the end of a messy night and wipe your eyes after you’ve been overthinking your situation with the guy you like. They are Mr or Mrs nice guy with a big heart who always has time for a cuddle. You turn to them for advice at any opportunity, and they are always there despite however late the DMC.
– The Gym-Junkie

Often seen around and about in nothing but sportswear, flexing at any given opportunity. You wish you had the motivation they do, but let’s face it, a 7am gym sesh or my comfy bed… I know what I’d choose.

– The Food Thief

I am found guilty of this one myself. Pretty much what it says on the tin – drunk, hungry and no food in the house results in a food steal… guilty.
– The Unduly Instant Best Friend

This person tends to be the friend of a friend, and soon after meeting, you (unwillingly) sympathised to become their best friend. In the next few weeks you will soon realise that you don’t need someone who follows you into the toilet or requests to borrow your clothes, and you will have to spend the last months trying to shake them off. 

– The Bestie 



Whether you knew them before hand, met them on a night out, or were fortunate enough to share your first uni flat with; this is someone that you know is a friend for life. They know how to party hard, but will be there to hold your hair back and chat shit till the early hours regardless of their plans the next day. If you’ve got one of these, keep them, cause they’re one of a kind.

– Your Friends

An electric mix of all of the above. It might take you a while to find them, but once found, they’re just like family.

2 thoughts on “The Dysfunctional Uni Family.

  1. Awwww I loved this (& your use of gifs!) I left uni (bath) over 10 years ago now but all of the same familiar faces and social groups ha ha. Not quite sure where I fit in but perhaps something to do with being a party girl I guess. I was actually quite suprised I left with a degree in the end ! Enjoy your time xx


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